De Ja Vu

I feel I've been here before, probably because I have. The past week I have revisited the rollercoaster ride that is ME/CFS. I am still reiki-ing daily and generally feel calmer and less angry and less frustrated, so that's good. I am still not, however, recognising my limits. At the ME clinic on Tuesday I was told off for making excuses as to why I haven't logged enough rest periods and using low level activity as rest, when it isn't. Well, that told me. I am confusing, it seems, relaxing activity for rest. For example, copying out some poetry for a friend, reading a non-fiction book, writing a notecard to someone, chatting on the phone to my mum, spending time with a friend. All relaxing and enjoyable and all low-medium level activities. I now have to schedule four rest breaks into my day lasting minimum 10 minutes. It sounds easy, but you try it, or maybe you're a natural sloth! Rest periods include having a bath, reading fiction, looking out of the window, not talking, not watching TV, not playing with the dog or cat. Perhaps I am too easily distracted. I can even distract myself without too much effort. My biggest problem is no two days are the same. My life is hard to regulate. Nevertheless, try I must. It took me 45 minutes to walk a 20 minute walk home Friday night and I was in a bit of a state when I finally got here. The dysathesia returned Weds/Thurs. The shiatsu didn't have a positive an effect as usual, however, it is possible it cleared and moved things on - hence the sudden fatigue attack. The good news from that treatment is that she feels the anger is subsiding. So I can at least feel smug about that. Plus, I did manage to get to a birthday party Sat night but had to leave at 9.30pm (I stayed out later as a teen!) because I was driving and had to allow for how tired that makes me. There is no logic to ME and I need to stop trying to find it. Back to the drawing board for a new coping plan. Where's Baldrick when you need him?