Well a very Happy New Year to you all. It's been a while, largely because (as per last post) I have been busy writing something else. Then there was the Christmas busyness and here I am again. I, like many, have been of reflective mood entering 2012. It is actually inspiring for me to look back at this time last year and the state I was in, and just remind myself how far I have come. Between Christmas and New Year 2011 I was bedridden for a day and rather unwell either side of it. I should point out, it is very rare for me to take to my bed and stay there. Around about this time 2011 I was trying very hard to not think about CFS. I booked myself in for blood tests for vitamin D and B deficiency and anaemia. They all came back negative of course. I finally caved in and went to the doctor in March to have my fears confirmed, and I strongly recall coming out of the doctor's and ringing my poor mother and crying almost hysterically as I stumbled home, telling her this was the worst thing that could happen. It isn't of course. There are far worse things. But I am fully self-employed and to be diagnosed with a potentially long term illness with no cure and that could become debilitating without warning is quite a shock, so do indulge me a little hysteria.
Throughout 2011 I made it my mission to take control of it. This was a mistake. Unfortunately, my nature is a little controlling, okay it was a lot controlling, I'd like to think that has reduced now. I spent months being frustrated and angry. Not recommended as this uses vital energy. Then I managed that wonderful word: acceptance. Funnily enough, things calmed down a bit after that. During 2011 I tried homeopathy, nutritional therapy, acupuncture, shiatsu, reflexology, reiki, meditation and Tai Chi. At the end of 2011 I started with Bowen and have the last session next week. I noticed as I progressed that the therapy I used needed to change. The one constant has been what I learned from the nutritional therapist: avoidance of refined sugars, using dark choc, fruit smoothies for breakfast with powdered high strenght vits. I also cut out soya and quorn and have never reintroduced it. Sleep was a massive problem for me on and off through the year and this remains the one stubborn symptom. I gave in during December and went back on the Amitriptyline, but I aim to ditch that again sometime soon. Currently I am pain free, getting just a niggle in my right foot if I am still awake after 5 hours. I can walk on the flat without my stick for about ten minutes. I can walk with my stick (slowing to a granny shuffle on inclines) for upto an hour, providing I have a quiet day before and a couple of quiet days after. I start the day with meditation, reiki, an energy breathing exercise and the Tibetan Rites moves with a teensy bit of Pilates - that latter lasting 10 minutes, now having doubled from when I started it. I intend to go back to swimming this month. I have come a long way, but I know I still have a long way to go. I no longer wish the illness away, it is futile. It will be here as long as it is and any weakness it leaves after it's departed will have to be accepted. That's that. Seems simple, but it took me nearly a year to be able to admit it!
