De Ja Vu

I feel I've been here before, probably because I have. The past week I have revisited the rollercoaster ride that is ME/CFS. I am still reiki-ing daily and generally feel calmer and less angry and less frustrated, so that's good. I am still not, however, recognising my limits. At the ME clinic on Tuesday I was told off for making excuses as to why I haven't logged enough rest periods and using low level activity as rest, when it isn't. Well, that told me. I am confusing, it seems, relaxing activity for rest. For example, copying out some poetry for a friend, reading a non-fiction book, writing a notecard to someone, chatting on the phone to my mum, spending time with a friend. All relaxing and enjoyable and all low-medium level activities. I now have to schedule four rest breaks into my day lasting minimum 10 minutes. It sounds easy, but you try it, or maybe you're a natural sloth! Rest periods include having a bath, reading fiction, looking out of the window, not talking, not watching TV, not playing with the dog or cat. Perhaps I am too easily distracted. I can even distract myself without too much effort. My biggest problem is no two days are the same. My life is hard to regulate. Nevertheless, try I must. It took me 45 minutes to walk a 20 minute walk home Friday night and I was in a bit of a state when I finally got here. The dysathesia returned Weds/Thurs. The shiatsu didn't have a positive an effect as usual, however, it is possible it cleared and moved things on - hence the sudden fatigue attack. The good news from that treatment is that she feels the anger is subsiding. So I can at least feel smug about that. Plus, I did manage to get to a birthday party Sat night but had to leave at 9.30pm (I stayed out later as a teen!) because I was driving and had to allow for how tired that makes me. There is no logic to ME and I need to stop trying to find it. Back to the drawing board for a new coping plan. Where's Baldrick when you need him?

Recipe for Success

A week ago I attended the first day of a Reiki level 1 course. Since then I have been reiki-ing myself daily. Sometimes twice daily! I do it in the morning before or after my meditation cd and sometimes I do it before I go to sleep. It is proving helpful. I have more balance in my energy levels. Yesterday I met up with some friends and had a cuppa in the morning. Once the rain had stopped I weeded the front garden along the steps and path, which was handy because I got to sit on the steps and path! After dinner I took the dog out for a little walk without my stick, which was slow progress, but we did it. A Neals Yard Arnica bath came in handy to end the day. Today I cleaned  the house nearly through - I had a bit of help. We went shopping, which made me dizzy but a bit of dark choc helped that. After lunch I made bread - well I put all the stuff in the breadmaker - and made two lasagnes (one soya free for me)  whilst listening to good old Radio 4 and 4 Extra and it was quite relaxing, if a little tiring. Phew! There are things that haven't been done, but I wanted to cook as I can so rarely manage it properly these days. I don't feel I've overdone it. Maybe I have found the recipe for success? Perhaps I am starting to master the evil pacing conflict? Well, time will tell.

Backsliding away

An odd week of disturbed sleep due to pain; right foot as per and a new one feeling like I'd torn a muscle in my right thigh, but I know I haven't. Also a strange fluey temperature changing thing was going on one night, resulting in two hours sleep Tuesday and four hours sleep Wednesday. I am still using the Amitriptyline and topping up with Paracetamol. Today I bought out the slightly larger guns - Solpadol and if this continues will be resorting to the much bigger gun, Diclofenac. When this happened a couple of weeks ago I was getting a bit stressy about the work going on in the house, but I am not stressed now. I am frustrated as there is no explanation for this, and I do like a good explanation, I'd frankly settle for a bad explanation. I kind of feel like I'm backsliding after feeling I understood ME a bit more. It is a tricky beast. So, new plan tonight: arnica bath, whisky, drugs, bed.