Follower Update

I have now moved to Wordpress with a new blog. Find and follow me at energyeatingblog.wordpress.com. I have changed the Instagram name to @energyeating and Twitter is the same. I can also be found on Tumbler and Facebook @energyeating. Thanks.

Eating for Energy

The book I published a few months ago. Selling well and available on Amazon. Wheat, dairy, meat and sugar free recipes. The bible that aided my move towards recovery. I also have a Facebook page @energyeating and Instagram: livin.the_good_life and Twitter

@energyeating. Follow me there for extra recipes and bonus tips.

Catching up

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Eating-Energy-Amanda-Staples/dp/1782224580/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1461065157&sr=8-1&keywords=eating+for+energy+amandaI honestly hadn't realised the blog was still live until someone recently followed an old link and told me they'd read it. I commented it must have been pretty bleak reading and they assured me it was candid and useful! Well August 2014 was the last post. Since then a lot has happened. I have moved house and got married. I still remain fully self employed and I am well. I see a kinesiologist regularly who checks me over and orders relevant supplements to keep me going. I am growing a lot of fruit and veg in  my garden. I have created and self published a cook book titled Eating for Energy the link for it on Amazon is above. I also have a Facebook page (search @energyeating) and  a website with sample recipes : http://witchy11.wix.com/eatingforenergy. I have returned to creative writing, have been entering short story competitions again, and have completed my first adult fiction novel. Life is good.

Shingles Bites Me On The Bum!

Well I spoke too soon in my last post as I woke up with shingles this morning. It has been eight months, which is the longest gap in years so I should be grateful for that. Unfortunately I cannot take anything for it as I have to let it develop to take a swab. It isn't actually on my bum this time but is on the sciatic nerve on the back of my thigh, so is causing the usual pain in my leg and foot. Aside from that, everything else has been pretty good. I am glad it is cooler, i found the heat draining. I haven't felt able to try to ride a bike yet because my legs still don't feel very strong. Walking is fine and my pace is pretty much what it was pre-CFS and still with no stick (since November). However, my quads still maintain a feeling of weekness.  I still feel sick and struggle for the first twenty minutes of so during aquafit and have been busy generally in life and have not felt well enough to do the exercise DVDs so I have returned to swimming. After my detox in May I am now pretty much following what is known as a 'clean diet'. I didn't eat very much sugar at all before so that's not a hardship to cut out but I have also cut right back on wheat, dairy, alcohol, corn. It means lots of fresh food and I am enjoying it. Eating out can sometimes be a bit challenging but I cope!

Moving On Up

Wow. Four months since the last post. Where does the time go? Since February I have moved house. Something I would not have considered last year as I wouldn't have coped with the stress of it. As it happens it was not too stressful as I moved in with my partner and rented my house out. Oscar and I are very much settled in. It's nice being closer to my therapy centre and not having to walk up that hill several times a week. In a way I miss the walk to work with Oscar, but we take the dogs on walks nearby instead. I am still managing without my stick and sometimes we are out walking the dogs for up to an hour. I am more relaxed and happy than I have been for a long time. The only pain I have is my chronic back ache/pain, which isn't related to the CFS.

I have been continuing to work on my physical activity and have extended my time on my trampette from five minutes to 20 minutes. I have returned to aquafit, something I haven't been able to do for over two years, and I have rediscovered a dance DVD that hasn't seen the light of day for over three years and had a go at that. I thought is was 20 minutes but it was 40 minutes and nearly did me in! I have done it twice now this month and enjoyed it. I am still excluding sugar from my diet and have cut the whisky and wine back. I had an episode of snacking when I was tired, which wasn't helpful, so I have returned to a 'clean diet'. I found this type of food really good and enjoyed preparing it after the retreat I went on last year. It essentially cuts out sugar, alcohol, wheat, most dairy and caffeine and uses grains and pulses, nuts and seeds, and lots of fresh fruit and veg. I have also done a two week detox and feel much better for that. Finally, no ugly-head-rearing of the dreaded shingles for six months now. So things are certainly looking up!

New Year New Challenge

Well, since November (can you believe that was my last post? Where does the time go??), anyway, since November I have been experimenting with walking without my stick. I had already pretty much mastered walking on the flat without it and had given lend of my spare stick to a friend who'd had a stroke as I felt I no longer needed to keep it in the car. On a whim I decided to walk to work without it (uphill) and I ached and my legs felt cramped but I did it. I used it on the way home. Then I decided to try both ways. The first few times I experienced cramping and pain in the legs but I persevered. I now can walk to and fro at the same pace (whole journey in 20 mins) stickless!
My next experiment was walking the dogs round the park. A circuit used to take 13-15 mins. I would slow the more I did and stopped at three. I now have that down to 10 mins and can do upto four on a very good day and generally aim for three laps.
My last experiment was a fitness DVD which has three levels and is based on strength. I started on level one once a week then increased to twice then three times a week. In between I bounced on my trampette for 10-15 mins. I then started interspersing level two on one of the days. Now I do level two on three days and aim to do level one on one or two days. I have a rest day on the Wednesday.
While all this is great I have gone again through Shingles (my dark friend) and that knocked me back, a virus that put me to my bed for two days (I don't do staying in bed). Most recently my sleep is being disturbed by hip pain on the right (what was my good side) and foot pain and cramping at night (an original cfs complaint which has reared its ugly head).
Still, I feel I am doing what is plausible for me to do, I don't feel I am pushing myself and - dare I say it - I finally feel that the cfs has made a permanent improvement rather than feeling I have improved for a few weeks and then being knocked back.
Life is good. I am socialising, I have a wonderfully supportive partner, I have a good support work of friends, family and last but by no means least parents and step-parents.Work continues at a manageable rate and I am fully enjoying teaching all my classes, participating as much as I did pre-cfs.
Maybe this is the year CFS and I start to part company......

Here I go again...

I can't believe it's been sooo long since my last post. November? Already?
Well, at last post I was bouncing around on my trampette (rebounder) and volunteering at Feed Bristol and feeling rather well. Unfortunately, I contracted that weird cold-virus thing that was doing the rounds and it really wiped me out. Then, as per usual when I am run down, shingles reared its ugly head, again. So, it was back to keeping myself going to work, and not much else, and a kill or cure attitude with echinacea and manuka honey. I lost my bounce a bit and have decided to take a break from Feed Bristol. This time of year involves a lot of digging and I just realistically can't do it. I am much better at admitting these things now.

Still, it's not all negative. In August I left quite a negative and unhelpful relationship and in September I accidently found a much better one! Starting as friends, we shared quite a lot of personal information, so at least he was well informed about what he was taking on with a chronically fatigued girlfriend, a neurotic dog and two attention seeking cats. Already, early days though this is, I know this is doing me a power of good. He is very supportive and has read up around the condition. Much as I manage it a lot better now, he is quite good at reigning me in, or noticing when I 'dip' and need to rest. I haven't been so pampered or cared for in a long time, it takes a bit of getting used to when you are so independent and reliant on routine to survive.

Sleep remains improved and I don't rely on camomile tea anymore, though still have the odd one.

Recently my back went, the first time in eight years. I had just started to experiment with a new form of exercise, so this was a big disappointment, but having had some physio and acupuncture, I am functional enough and having another go. This is a dvd a bought before my diagnosis four years ago. It has never been out of its wrapper so it felt really good to have a go, expect to not get all the way through, and manage it! It's only 20 mins but works cardio, strength and stamina. I am aiming to do this Tuesday and Thursday and still do the trampette in between. My aim in to improve stamina and strength in my legs. I would love my New Year's Resolution to be to walk without my stick!

Bouncing Back

Much as I am loathe to tempt fate. Things appear to be on the up. I can't believe it's been three months since my last post. I am still using the vibrocise machine and aiming for five days a week on that at 10 minutes a time. I have also been working on the rebounder (mini trampette) and have managed to get this up to 15 minutes with the first five minutes using hand weights.I aim to do that four or five times a week. I went on holiday in June and didn't use my stick much at all. I walk a lot further on the flat without my walking stick, but still need it on inclines or I slow to my granny-shuffle pace, though my legs don't burn and pain as much when I do finally get there. I attended two weddings and one of them was up north involving a train journey with a change and I did it without my stick. First stickless journey solo! Both weddings were quite long days but I coped and I enjoyed them. I have got myself out of a relationship that was draining and feel better for it. I have started volunteering at a large allotment type project called Feed Bristol for two and a half hours a week and stay for the shared lunch. I am using my body in all sorts of different ways and making new friends to boot! A lot more has gone on but these are the edited highlights. I also had my first thai massage treatment for a long time, as it has always been a bit uncomfortable since CFS but this was quite deep and did me good. So, there we are. Watch this space for more potential improvements.

Faulty Forty

Well, it's been a while. Since my last post, where I suspected a relapse, I then had quite a vile virus and the whole shebang culminated in shingles. Yep, my old friend was back. Because it's been absent for quite some time it took me by surprise and I didn't recognise the fevery symptoms or sciatica as a warning, just thought it was CFS related. The worst of it was the rash, which got to be about the size of a golf ball and wouldn't heal. It kept weeping and bleeding for two weeks until a nurse friend of mine suggested a dressing which solved the problem (couldn't get in to see the nurse practitioner for another week at the GPs and doctors 'don't do dressings' apparently - perhaps I might decide to not do my NI payments!). Anyway, in April I went on a retreat. I did not, in all honesty, feel like it. I had signed up to it earlier in the year. But I did go and was glad I did. It was a yoga and conscious eating two day retreat and I learnt a lot and met some nice people. Set in a mill by the Kennet and Avon canal it was very peaceful. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I may have overdone the yoga, which I thought was quite gentle, but is of course different to the bit of Pilates I do. A week or so later I found myself being bounced on my Karen the Miracle Manipulator to deal with a displaced rib. Still, the silver lining was the recommendation to drink lots of red wine. The darker cloud was a severe reaction to the rib going back in prompting another bashing by Karen, but more red wine drinking ensued! Moods have been up and down and frankly sometimes I find myself not wanting to be around anyone; difficult when my work involves me having to deal with people practically daily. Oscar, my dog has been my comfort, and the cats have been quite loving and good bedtime company too. Also, having Oscar means I have to get myself out every day. Exercise has gone right of the boil but I cannot allow myself to be frustrated by this. I am still walking to work and I am now experimenting with walking a little further without my stick and doing quite well with that. At a recent weekend spent at my uncle's caravan I swam in the pool for half an hour for three mornings, not particularly quickly but it was nice. I still haven't felt well enough to go back to my dance DVD, even though it is just ten minutes. I was bought a home vibrocise machine for my birthday, I had been attending a studio once a week. It's not the most pleasant of experiences but at ten minutes a time it's bearwithable. There are various programmes on it and I am experimenting, however, I would like to get back to 'doing' something with my body rather than just standing on a vibrating plate. Still, it's a start, of sorts. I turned 40 last weekend and managed to have  my party and survive it. I also had people coming and going all weekend which was jolly. I did crash a bit on the Monday and am still tired. I had a bit of a low day Tuesday but I find if I recognise what this is, it's best to give into it on a temporary basis rather than fight it. Ultimately I coped better than expected. Apparently life begins at forty, I'd like to hope mine would, but I doubt it somehow. I feel I am a faulty forty, there is much mending yet to be done. Maybe I'll get all that done and begin at fifty instead.

One limp forward and two limps back

I fear I am undergoing a bit of a a relapse. This is a dark time for me and I queried whether I should share it since i try to keep the blog a fairly realistic reflection of what I'm feeling with a positive slant. However, I know other CFSers or people with CFS related conditions read this on and off, and I think it's important that thy know they are not alone in their dark days. Also, I've been reading Jessica Thom's book, Welcome To Biscuitland, which details a year in the life of someone with Tourettes, and she is very candid about what she goes through and how it makes her feel. So, for the past few weeks I have had pain at night, some joint pain, which I am unsure is CFS related, but now foot pain, which definately is. Since Tuesday evening, this has become constant and is there every minute of every day. I had a nice day out Tuesday with family, but was tired and struggled with the stairs going round Avebury Manor. I also struggled with teaching Pilates that night, which surprised me. Wednesday I woke feeling sick and dizzy and it took me a while to get safely downstairs. The pain in my feet is worse on the right, and if you have ever sprained your ankle, it is reminiscent of that; feeling throbbingly painful, swollen and unstable. It isn't swollen, but it makes me limp, or I find I'm dragging it. So I am back to using my stick more as I am fearful of falling once again. The limp has caused a corn to form on the underside of my left heel, which is sore and makes walking difficult when I don't have one good foot! I am walking but cannot face any other exercise. I have to walk, one to exercise the dog, but also my back will seize if I don't, it is already worse than usual. Oddly, sleep seems to be okay, therefore there is no point going back on the Amitriptyline as that was always to get me to sleep and I would still wake around five or six in pain, when I was having painful episodes, and that is what is happening now. The camomile tea is still getting me off to sleep. Paracetamol and ibuprofen are as helpful as taking a smartie, so I begged a reflexology off of a friend and colleague at work yesterday and had immediate pain relief which lasted into the evening. It's back now but more like pins and needles than pain. The other things that have happened that make me fear this is a bit of a relapse are dark thoughts and speach issues. I generally live alone, though a family member has been staying and my partner visits one a week or so, both of which I am finding difficult. I have to work, being fully self employed, and I have to put on a face for work and make effort; teaching requires thinking and action, massage requires more action than thinking, and hypnotherapy requires more thinking and less action. Thinking can be as fatiguing and physical action. This week, as I mentioned, I have been out with family and went out with my sister and folks for lunch Friday. I made an effort here, and these were enjoyable times. Work was quiet Friday so my effort banks hadn't been too depleted! But after work I sometimes cannot be bothered with people. I will ignore the phone or turn it off sometimes, or give short answers so as not to encourage conversation. I want to be left alone. It's not fair on people, I suppose, but there we are. I am glad when my uncle goes out or isn't at home and I am glad when my partner goes back to his home sometimes. I am questioning now whether a party for my 40th is a good idea, how much it will cost me in energy. Maybe that's why I haven't done anything about finding a venue. Self-harm thoughts are back, I won't do it, but it's interesting to find them flitting through my mind again. And my speach has become slurred in the mornings again, I know this because I tried to sing along to a song yesterday and was a good half a line behind, though in my head I was in time. Previously, speach when the CFS has been bad, has come out as nonsense, it isn't as bad as this but it's not clear speach. I have also felt too sick to eat breakfast a couple of times, and since this is a smoothie and I get a lot of my vitamins from it, that is a problem. It's okay if I am at home, I just have it an hour or two later, but if I have to be somewhere, I notice the lack of it. It's tempting to look for a cause behind this, but I don't think there is one, this is just how this condition goes and I'm sure eventually it will improve again. So there we are.

I might as well jump

Not a threat of suicide, in case you worry. Those of you 'in the know' and old enough, will of course recognise the line from Van Halen, but I refer in fact to a trampette. Not a small tramp, but what is known officially as a rebounder (again, not someone on the rebound from a relationship - I'll stop this now). Much as I love my dance DVD I found I was getting a little bored of it. When I felt able I would do the 10 minute cardio routine, pause for water, then the 10 minute sculpt or stretch, which is a little more low key. There are only six to chose from on the DVD and I don't like one of them. So I dusted off my trusty old trampette and then in a fit of peeked energy, the adrenaline of which clearly spiked a daft idea, dusted off the cross trainer (and dusty it was indeed) that has lain folded under my bed for nigh on two years. It was effort enough getting the darn thing out, cleaning it and hauling it into its upright state, had it not been for the fact it stopped me getting to my bed, I may well have thought sod it, and had a lie down instead. It, like me, has seen better days and creaks and groans. Having that in common, I felt we had an ideal basis to start a beautiful working relationship. Initially, I started with five minutes on the trampette, water break, and two minutes on the cross trainer. Back in the day I used to bound around like a loon to Bon Jovi for about 20-30 minutes, but that was then. During Feb, I managed to up the jumping to 10-15 minutes averaging at 12 minutes with a water-related rest then five minutes on the cross trainer, by which time I look like I might need medical attention. I have to give it a minute or so before I can collapse the thing down and shove it away, and by then my legs have usually forgiven me and kindly agree to have a go at taking me safely downstairs. I do this somewhat faffing but worthwhile routine a couple of times a week. I still walk to work on a Saturday and if I'm not working I do a bit of dance. I am experimenting now with working out what is actual fatigue and what is reduced stamina due to not being able to do so much because of actual fatigue. It's a fine line but I seem to be treading it about right. Last week I attended a Mindfulness workshop and am following a book that takes me through an eight week course of it. It is more tricky than it sounds, but will prove helpful, I feel. The day inspired me to contact our lovely Nutritional Therapist, Claire Stone, to discuss writing a 7-10 day detox. I have always shied away from detoxing as I feared I would have to juice everything and eat raw food for a month and end up murderously miserable, but no, we are going to write a menu plan with proper food and I am looking forward to it. Having succumbed again to the blasted bugs that kind clients keep bringing in for me, I am now sat with a pot of honey, lemon and ginger tea. I am not a fan of honey, but am giving it a go. Manuka honey, no less. I am on my third cup and grimacing less than the first. Tomorrow I am off to a reiki share, cold allowing. The thing I a most proud of is that for most of Feb I did away with Amitriptyline. I now have a cup of camomile and spiced apple tea before bed and that does the trick. The only issue is that the drug clearly masked some physical pain (a hip injury where I was hit by a car, a poor damaged shoulder, and  random joint pain). It's hard to know how much of this is CFS related. I suspect the hip and shoulder not, but I cannot stand to lie on my side with my knees or ankles on top of each other. Therefore, I find I take up some bizarre positionings using all manner of things as props. Still, I generally get a good block of five or six hours of sleep and can mostly doze back off for a bit. I was also pleasantly surprised to find that coming off of Amitriptyline did not, as it has previously, give me very disturbing dreams. Other than a couple of minor 'emotional crashes' involving tears and dark chocolate and a little bit of hypnotherapy, Feb has been quite a good month.

New Year Review

Having had a quick look back over the last years blog it is interesting to note what has and hasn't changed. It is now two years since my diagnosis but I suspect closer to three with CFS being present but just not being recognised. Prior to Chrismas I finally fell prey to one of those awful viruses - thankfully missing out on norovirus - it started on my chest then took up residence in my sinuses, changing sides on a daily basis in case I got bored of it. Not wanting to take antibiotics for fear they would trash my immune system I went through two packets of sudafed, countless boxes of tissues and after six weeks began bemoaning my lot. I was also mightily fed up by then of flagging and being unable to do much except work, particularly as I had just started to get to grips a bit more with a dance DVD prior to the virus. A kindly client who had travelled a rougher path than I suggested probiotics as she had been told the virus is bacterial. So, off I popped to the local health food shop and got a colon cleanse tea to oust the bad bacteria and some probiotics to grow the new. I also swapped out my usual vitamin powders in favour of a new active life vitamin, just to give my body a change. Within in a few days a felt a definate lift and experimented by walking a bit further and then with a bit more exercise. Having got out of the habit of the Tibetan rites a while ago, I instigated them again, and now that I can lie flat without coughing have gone back to lying on my acupressure mat and ten-twenty minutes of mediation in the morning to help me wake up properly. I feel better for going back to the old routine. I think it's good to have a break occassionally, but not more than a day or so. I have left the reiki off for a while but did enjoy a nice reiki share a couple of weeks back and had a shiatsu treatment when I felt quite low and exhausted last Saturday. So what have I learned? Stick with what works and don't try to change it. Progressing little by little is still the key and I have less frustration and more acceptance of that. I would have loved to buy that Zumba dvd on sale after xmas, but what would be the point? It would upset me that I can't do it. Instead I am back doing my ten minute dance DVD and getting on with that three to four times a week. I experimented with walking into work on a Saturday (usually I walk on Monday and Friday only and drive in when I work a Sat) and that seemed okay. I have accepted that housework gets done twice a week rather than every other day, and pet hair on the carpet and footprints on the wooden floor isn't the end of the world. I have accepted, and others have had to, that some things will have to wait. I cannot be all things to all people, I have to be myself to me first. This year I have booked an overnight spa break (cunningly getting a sale voucher), booked to attend a mindfulness day and bought a book on the subject to ready myself, plan to book onto a course called the Endorphin Effect by William Bloom and have approached a friend about a retreat. A holiday is planned for the middle of the year since it was a mistake booking it so late in the year in 2012, a mini-break is loosly on the cards for autumn and I shall beg use of my uncle's caravan on the odd occassion. I turn 40 in May and jolly well intend to celebrate it at a party where I shall dance a little, but not too much, and I shall be happy with that, because two years ago I couldn't have even coped with a party let alone dance at one. Perhaps everything in moderation isn't boring, perhaps it actually means you get the most out of life; tasting a bit of this and a bit of that and enjoying it along the way. It means you don't overdose on one thing and have a deficiency of another. It means, in fact, you get that long hankered for and so elusive balance.

Testing Times

Well, since the last post I have managed to get a bit more control over the shoulder problem but it is still not right and I am currently smiling sweetly at out lovely manipulative therapist and telling her I am fine - she will catch me out one day. I have not returned to swimming as I fear it exacerbates rather than helps the issue. Instead I returned to good old Rosemary Connolly's Salsa DVD and tried a bit more of that. Encouraged by being able to do 12 mins I tried the 17 min workout. My plan is to try to build my legs back up. Whilst on holiday in France I managed a fair bit of walking, mostly with my stick but some without, and am getting further afield on flat surfaces minus walking stick. I used to have powerful legs and still look mournfully at my bike which has been garaged for two years. However, it does appear that greater strength in them is forthcoming and it gives the arms/ribcage a bit of respite. This week I have dusted off a 10 minute dance DVD (faster paced than the Salsa). I used to combine three workouts but thought I'd just try one. It went well and today I have combined a faster and slower one and felt very excited at being able to complete it! I am continuing to eat better; preparing and freezing down. Sleep has generally improved and if last week is anything to go by, which was emotionally and mentally fraught, I am handling stress better. All of these feel like mini tests, and it is very encouraging to be able to meet them head on and deal with them. I will not say I hope to keep improving as it implies I might not, so I will say I aim to keep improving - allowing for gradual progress. It would be so nice to go to Zumba or get on my bike again one day, and now that feels like more of a possiblity in the somewhat distant future, but a possibility nonetheless.

The Three Rs- Rest, Relaxation and Red wine!

Ah me. Well things have not so much improved as worstened since the last post. In fact I went to the Off Licence after work Tues night to buy some red wine. I now have a rib out and have availed myself of Liz's electrical acupuncture to try to deal with pins and needles in forearm and fingers in addition to all the muscular problems and pains. Karen, our Osteo at Carpe Diem, now informs me if she doesn't have a go at the rib it will keep exacerbating the issues. She also warned me it will floor me for a day or so about 48 hours later. So, lucky me, this is being done today. Her parting shot was 'have an early lunch so you don't throw up when I do it'. I am not one for bothering about pain or discomforts during treatment but I may cry today. In the meantime, yesterday I went to the GP - as Liz is away for a week or so then I am away, so no elec acupuncture for me - to see about getting some heavier duty anti-inflammatories. She refused on the grounds that only total rest will deal with it. CFS people appear to be more prone to inflammatory issues and of course we fatigue our muscles quicker. I have already had a warning from Karen that I am overworking fatigued muscles. I have not heeded this particularly well. It is tricky being fully self-employed with no support at home as I live alone. I could tie floor cloths to the animals and scoot them about the place, but I don't think I can train them to iron, wash up or vacuum. So, in lieu of not being able to totally rest, a compromise has to be found. I had forgotten that when the CFS was so bad last year I taught my Pilates from a chair. Everyone was very understanding and I demonstrated only when absolutely necessary. I have somewhat taken for granted the improvement I have achieved this year. I am now very interactive. It is time to start to look for volunteers to demonstrate some shoulder exercises under my tuition I feel, at least for a few weeks. I have a weeks holiday (not enough according to the GP who frowned at me) and will make the most of that. Then I close for two weeks this year at Xmas. I was a bit grumpy about that, as that's a loss in income for me, but I think I will end up being grateful for it. Additionally, a wonderful friend is going to come and do an hour's cleaning once a week for me. That will take the pressure off. All I have to do is get to the end of this year, with that plan of action, and hopefully start next year all well again!

Hitting A Sore Spot

I appear to be in a bit of a pickle: thoracic outlet syndrome and inflammed shoulder one side, tear on the other side, locked lower neck, both wrists unstable, and tennis elbow, but only one side. Always a silver lining! Mahoosively grateful to our brill manipulative therapist Karen at my therapy centre for trying to sort it out. Oh, and for telling me to go home and drink red wine. Mmmm. Medicinal red wine is the best. Karen says I've been overworking fatigued muscles. Much as I loved a recent visit with family, I fear I overdid it. I then had a visit from my partner, which whilst is enjoyable is always a bit full on as it's such a short amount of time. I do feel like it has taken me a while to recover (two weeks and counting) and of course I had to keep going with teaching and work at Carpe Diem, which has gone massage-heavy with a few hypnotherapies and private Pilates in between. It's really hard now that I am living solo and self-employed not to keep going. Especially as I feel more able this year than I did this time last year. Plus, it is in my nature to keep going (take after my workaholic father!) but I have noticed I am struggling with the swimming, feeling like I'm forcing myself to go and not enjoying it as much, but still feeling glad I have gone when I'm done. I am due a holiday in a few weeks, and boy am I ready for it. In the meantime, I feel a top up on that red wine is in order....

Nobody Here But Us Rabbits

Well, my housemate moved out on Thursday so it's just me, two crazy cats and a paranoid puppy (no rabbits). I know friends and family were a bit concerned about how I would cope with less help and more to do, but I have been practising! Over the past few weeks I have been doing a little more; hoovering, floor washing, gardening. I have taken on a gardener who will come once a month or so and do the small hill that is my front garden, but I managed to get the lawnmower out this week (trickiest bit is getting it in and out of the garden storage box) and I attacked the back lawn. It does look more attacked and less mowed but it's tidier and besides it's littered with brown dead patches where I had to kill off ten red ant and flying ant nests. Now the hot weather is here I am having to water the garden, but that is manageable. Today I have hoovered and washed floors downstairs and am off out for breckie with the girls in an hour. I am also pleased to report that I have lost the weight I put on because I am eating better, and subsequently feeling better. So, I'm back to that age-old phrase: everything in moderation; food, exercise, housework and fun! I know at the chronic fatigue clinic they said reading wasn't proper rest, but I find it restful and it's one of few things that makes me sit still for a while. I read for an hour when I got in last night before doing my dinner and starting to sort the part of the spare room that used to be my office and is in a bit of a pickle. This afternoon I will paint the red wall in there a nice teal colour to go with the new bedding, picture and lampshade that Mum and my step dad helped me install and that will be that. So, along with the weather, life is pretty sunny at the moment - and long may it last.

Weighty Issue

Despite having increased my activity somewhat a few weeks ago, I was quite depressed to find I had put on five pounds. It may not sound much but it is really hard to shift since I can't just up my activity. I started eating less when I noticed waistbands tightening as the first couple of pounds went on butfrustratinigly put more on. Depressed I went back to the GI cookbook as I have to admit I had got into the habit of eating the same old stuff and not really cooking, and I was snacking, not necessarily on bad stuff, but still. So, on the fourth week into this I find that I have lost a couple of pounds and clothes feel better. I am eating more, am less tired and snacking less.I have been able to increase the swimming to 6 full lengths and 6 or seven half lengths of front crawl amongst the 36 lengths, the rest are breaststroke. On a Sunday I do the Salsa basic work out and the warm up and two circuits of the resistance DVD, making a 35 minute workout. It just goes to show what a difference the effort to eat properly makes, and I am enjoying food again. It's so important to get the right balance, and of course I feel much happier!

Slow progress, but progress nonetheless

It is difficult to know if fatgue after activity is part of the CFS or just down to a reduced level of fitness. I have found that I am not so dizzy and shaky after swimming now, so I decided to experiment by upping the odds a bit. Rather than trying to swim more lengths, I am now keeping to 30-36 but rather than doing all breaststroke am throwing in a bit of front and back crawl to make it more cardiovascular. On the first attempt a couple of weeks ago, I just did a few half lengths like this. I felt okay after. Today I swam six half lengths front crawl, four full lengths front crawl and approx 15 third of a  length back crawl (tricky due to an old twingy rotator cuff injury). Since this is proving quite successful I dusted off a couple of fitness DVDs. I looked at the basic section of a Rosemary Connelly Salsa DVD I would never have touched pre CFS as it was too basic and boring. It is 17 minutes and I managed it. Gentle though it is, I did feel I had done something. Then I tried a Matt Roberts DVD which has resistence and cardio mini workouts. These are designed to be combined but I haven't got that far! I have managed to do the warm up and one circuit of a resistance workout (approx 10 mins) he does the session with burst of activity with periods of rest (which I spend panting mostly). I also do a little 5 minute weight lifting thing that I adlib each day. The plan is to build on the stamina I have already put in place and try to increase my baseline a little more each month. We shall see....

Admitting Defeat

Well, despite my best efforts I am back on the Amitriptyline. I tried for two weeks to do without it but felt so bad that I went back on a double dose for ten days. The opium tincture was useful to come off it but it just didn't give me a long enough period of sleep and some nights became very disturbed again toward the end of the trial period. I am now back down to my usual 10mg per night and would like to perhaps get that down to every other night, though I tried last night without it (largely because I forgot to take it and realised too late!) and had an awful night's sleep. While I don't want to stay on it long term or become dependant in it, I just don't think it's worth coming off it just yet. The better quality sleep I have got on it has meant I can do more in the days. I have, however, had to admit I have become guilty of trying to cram too much in and not resting enough. It's frustrating having to look at a week and split it up into manageable sections; working out what I can and can't do/attend, but it is the only way. I have to remember how much better I am doing than this time last year. A couple of weeks ago I feared I was backsliding, and that was horrible. I have to be sensible, and sometimes boring. That's life.

In Your Dreams

I have decided to try to come off of Amitriptyline, again. Previous attempts have not been all that successful. This time I am trying poppy seed tincture.I have been trying this for four nights now. Last night I tried it in Horlicks as an experiment to see if i could sleep longer. The first night was disturbed sleep but lacked disturbing vivid dreams, which is what generally happens when I try to leave off the Amitrip. So that wasn't so bad. The cats and dog have been doing their utmost to sabotage sleep, but that aside I am going off quicker but still waking around 5-5.30am and struggling to get back off again. Still, I have discovered the random joys of early morning radio. I am hopeful that since this is early days, it will right itself and I will sleep longer. Anyway, a block of undisturbed six hours sleep is better than a disturbed seven hours.
Other than that, I managed to  socialise at a friend's house for a curry night on Friday - getting a lift there and back, swam last Tues, Thurs and Sun (managing 24 lengths in 30 mins on Sun, though I had to sit and eat extra salted choc!), and have re-arranged some furniture over the past two days, with a little help. Mood has been strangely low and a bit tearful, and has coincided with coming off the Amitrip. Could be a coincidence. Had some reflexology on Saturday, just to try to get a handle on it. Feel a bit more up today.